Most women are very self-critical, are REALLY hard on themselves, and find it extremely challenging to have compassion for themselves. But in order to truly love yourself and have absolute confidence, you must learn to have self-compassion.
No one in the world knows your feelings as well as you do. That makes you most qualified to give yourself compassion! YAY! 😀
Self-compassion is seeing your most tender wounds without judgment, while acknowledging your pain and being willing to feel the reality of your pain –without covering it up.
Self-compassion includes care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, unconditional love, tenderness, acceptance, mercy, leniency, kindness, and charity for ourselves. Compassion for yourself is a softness that flows within you and permeates your emotional / energy wound with acceptance, unconditional love and intimate understanding.
Most women were taught that you should have compassion for others. But unfortunately, most were NOT taught that you absolutely MUST have compassion for yourself first.
Until you have compassion for yourself, you won’t be able to give it to others.
Self-compassion is no different than having compassion for others, is what Dr. Kristin Neff says.
When we feel compassion for others, we feel kindness, care, empathy, and a desire to help reduce their suffering.
It’s the same when you are compassionate toward yourself.
“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?”
Self-compassion is made up of three aspects: mindfulness, common humanity and kindness.
Mindfulness is holding your own thoughts and feelings rather than suppressing or being carried away by them. In Neff’s case, when she discovered Rowan’s diagnosis, mindfulness meant pausing the flood of worries and accepting her anger, disappointment and pain.
Common humanity, in part, is the understanding that your feelings and experiences are not completely unique. No matter how hard we try to avoid or hide them, all humans go through hardships and have daily pains, frustrations and disappointments. By acknowledging she wasn’t the first to have a child diagnosed with autism, Neff found strength in numbers.
Being kind to yourself is not only providing comfort in the moment; it is also committing, whenever possible, to reducing future instances of such suffering.
Self-compassion means to truly love your authentic self in a deeply aware and non-judging way, just like a loyal and trustworthy friend. It is a willingness to be with yourself as a loving companion to your own pain.