A boundary is needed when you need to protect yourself, your energy and your emotional well-being. It’s absolutely necessary that you learn new ways of interacting with controlling, intrusive or abusive people and you also have to learn how to recognize and become aware that your boundaries are being intruded upon in the first place. It takes practise, time, and support to be able to set effective boundaries.
Here’s my top 5 tips for setting effective and assertive boundaries:
1) Decide RIGHT NOW that you are a worthy person who is worth defending, does not deserve to be controlled, abused, taken advantage of, or mistreated –and commit to speaking up, even when it’s challenging.
2) Determine what your boundaries are in the various areas of your life. Write a list of them!
How far is too far? What are you willing and unwilling to take from other people?
Set a limit in your mind and stick to it. This doesn't have to mean you set no leeway, but internally draw a line and don't let people cross it.
3) Boundary violations. Recognize how your boundaries are being violated in the past. Write it out!
4) Practice honesty. Get into the habit of being honest (with yourself first!) make a deliberate, conscious effort to tell the truth. About what you want and what you DON’T want. About what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Start small, and work your way up.
What are some specific ways you can practise honesty?
5) Forgiveness can make it worse. Many of us like to think we have forgiving natures. A bit of forgiveness here and there is good, but if you continually forgive someone who is disrespecting you, or invaded your boundaries more than a few times, they get much worse. Trust me!! If you constantly forgive and make allowances for bad behaviour, it doesn’t even register as 'bad behaviour' in the eyes of the person doing it, it’s just normal to them. That means that it is time for you to reevaluate whether or not you need them in your life. Is it time for you to minimize or eliminate them from your life and focus on your self? (Probably!)
Remember to ALWAYS protect boundaries and your precious energy!
Be sure to also read my blog post "Setting Boundaries and Why It’s Important to Your Confidence"
I can help you set effective boundaries and become more assertive, please contact me now for a complimentary Confidence Coaching session! 😀