Boundaries are your own physical and emotional “lines in the sand” based on who you are, what your core values and standards are –the rules and principles you live by when you say what you will or won’t allow –what is and is not acceptable. Setting boundaries with others helps you to create more positive outcomes.
Boundaries are things that separate one thing from another, like walls that separate the outside of a house from the inside.
We were not taught what boundaries are and the appropriate use of boundaries. As a result, most women don’t set them. Instead, they feel guilty for even thinking about asserting a boundary or feel selfish and uncaring for telling a friend that hurts her when she makes sarcastic (passive-aggressive) comments to her, or about her. In addition to feeling selfish and uncaring, most women also feel afraid that she will stop liking her.
Boundary setting can be used with people we know—including friends and family—as well as strangers.
It is a good strategy to use at the first signs of conflict, mistreatment or violence. Being passive and not saying anything, hoping the other person will “come to their senses”, is destructive and ultimately results in you building resentment and likely exploding into anger or rage.
Boundaries are not meant to punish, but are for your well-being and protection. They help you build trust, love and respect for yourself.
Be sure to also read my blog post “5 Tips on How to Set Effective Boundaries”
I can help you set effective boundaries and become more assertive, please contact me for a complimentary Confidence Coaching session