Hurt people hurt other people.
I learned that from a remarkable mentor of mine many years ago. He was there to console me a couple of times after being hurt by someone in my family whose go-to emotion is anger.
We all have at least one. You know, that really negative person that can quickly suck the wind out of your happy sails. 🙄 It's annoying, it's frustrating, and these types of people are energy vampires. They suck the energy out of other people and they are draining to be around. They are unhappy, low energy and low vibration people that have a lot of unresolved pain and are unfulfilled with themselves and with their lives.
If you feel worse after you’ve spent time with someone (tired, cranky, sad, frustrated or drained) chances are you've got an mean person who is an energy vampire in your life!
Why are some women mean and bitchy, you ask? Well, all of us go through out our days experiencing the world around us. Every circumstance that takes place, we give meaning to it, based our belief systems and then we create storylines that supports that belief. We consistently tell ourselves (most of the time it's subconsciously) stories about our life, and other people, based on our own meaning. Many of our stories are fabricated, and all of them are biased --dominated by our fears and our theories about life.
A typical mean person's belief is: "I'm a victim. People want to hurt me, so I must hurt them first so that I will be strong and safe."
It's a way for them to feel in control and protected. This is why mean people turn nasty when you say or do something that you meant to have zero negative meaning, yet they lash out and become bitches. They immediately rewrite whatever they heard or saw in a way that will support their beliefs.
For example: She's an anti-social person and hates parties, so you don't invite her to a party that you know she will be extremely uncomfortable at because it will cause her a lot of stress and anxiety. She finds out that she wasn't invited.
She interprets that in a way that supports her fear and limiting beliefs and therefore gives it negative meaning. She jumps to negative conclusions, she becomes passive aggressive, and goes into her victim mindset. When she's asked what's the matter, she becomes rude and mean based on her own assumptions and the storyline she has created. As a result she says things that are completely false and lashes out in anger.
The story she created, NOT the other persons behavior, both motivates and excuses her anger and bitchyness.
But if we react to this type of mean and bitchy behaviour with meanness of our own, we stoop to that same level, while also becoming part of the problem. That viscous cycle doesn't work!
You're mean to me, so I'm mean to you, so you're meaner to me, so I'm meaner to you....
This is particularly hard with negative family members. We are "supposed" to get along and love them unconditionally, right?? Wrong. You choose how they affect you and how much time you spend with them.
YOU are the only person that is in charge of your emotions. Whether it's family members or friends, when you choose to spend your precious time with negative, bitchy women, you only have yourself to blame. <Insert jagged pill here!> Once I figured that out, it was life-changing. I didn’t “HAVE-TO” put up with being in the company of someone who is mean to me. I was CHOOSING to allow it to happen. You have a choice too, and you can minimize or eliminate how much time you give them.
But doing that can be very challenging for most women. My Confidence Coaching clients are nice women and usually people-pleasers, so it's particularly hard for them to deal with mean, negative, bitchy women --UNTIL they hire me to coach them on exactly how to manage those types of relationships and more importantly, learn how to make themselves and their energy most important.
Here's My 5 Tips for Dealing with Mean, Negative, Bitchy Women
#1 - The ABSOLUTE BEST way to deal with negative people is to limit or eliminate the amount of time and energy you give them. Communicate via email or talk on the phone and tell them in advance you don't have a lot of time to talk.
#2 - You can’t change her, no matter how hard you try. So, quit trying! Accept (not the same as approval) that that's who they are, and it's not up to you to help change their mean, bitchy ways.
#3 - Find more positive people to hang out with. Life is way too short to spend time with mean, bitchy people. So DON'T! Consider joining a Meetup group to find great like-minded people and stop worrying about and focusing on the bitchy ones. Staying positive and constantly improving your life is your responsibility, not anyone else's. Decide to create your ideal life no matter what and you'll be amazed at the awesome new people you will attract into your life.
#4 - Pick your battles! Choosing battles unwisely means we can waste a lot of our precious time and energy. When you feel your blood boiling and you feel a potential argument coming up (and it's the same old thing, or about a topic you know she will lash out and be mean) ask yourself if it's worth getting into it. Likely it's not! Is she being irrational? Refer to the next step...
#5 - Walk away! When her ego gets in the way of common sense, just leave. If you sense a mean, bitchy women's' wrath is on it's way, just leave. Walking away is not giving up or giving in, it's preventing an argument on your terms.
Do you have a mean, bitchy or negative person in your life?
Do you want to learn how to manage that and feel confident around her?
I will help you learn how to become more assertive and more effective in your communication, while making sure that you feel empowered and respected.
Please contact me today for a complimentary Confidence Coaching session!