People who struggle with jealousy have experienced deep hurt, rejection or a painful loss early in life. Or sometimes they have been through an unhealthy relationship, and that bad experience is carried into every relationship that comes after it. Jealousy problems break communication, self-respect, compassion and damages relationships for those who cannot control it.
Jealousy is detrimental because it eats away at the one thing that holds it together: TRUST.
What is Jealousy? - Jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions a person can have. It is based in fear and scarcity and is just like any other phobia. Phobias are irrational fears. Jealousy is usually a fear of losing the other person or feelings of inadequacy. The paradox of jealousy in relationships is that the best way to keep another person around is to know deep down that you will be fine when you are alone. Focusing on what you don't want all the time (losing the other person) actually makes that happen!
I have developed a very powerful “10 Steps to on How to Control Jealousy” method. Here I will share my top 3:
Step #1 – Accept Personal Responsibility
YOU create the emotion of jealousy! Guess what? YOU actually create the emotion of jealousy from the power of your limiting beliefs, all of your fears and all the negative assumptions in your own mind. Jealousy is always a signal to look within and discover what's underneath. It is an indication of what you need to be working on yourself. It is almost never just about the jealousy itself and whatever is happening on the surface. It's about whatever is lurking underneath that needs to be discovered and worked through with self love.
It might be distrust from an old friend, resentment from the pain of feeling like you are second best to a sibling, a broken heart from a previous relationship or an on-going lack of self-confidence or self-esteem. Whichever it might be, you cannot point your finger outward at others because you are creating that emotion. You are choosing to feel jealous. If you find yourself wanting to change someone else’s behavior to prevent your feelings of jealousy then you are not taking personal responsibility. If you say things like "If you wouldn't ______ then I wouldn't react this way." Speaking that way displays insecurity and is an attempt to control someone else's behavior. Personal responsibility is absolutely essential in overcoming fear and jealousy. When you take responsibility for your negative thoughts and emotions it puts you in a position of strength and gives you the power to change them.
Step #2 – Self- Awareness
Those of you that know me and/or follow me, already know this., I am am VERY firm believer int he fact that every one MUST be very self-aware in order to create any kind of change. An essential step to creating change is awareness.
It can be intimidating to embrace the truth but when it comes to overcoming jealousy, no matter how it shows up in your life, it doesn’t stop until it is acknowledged and there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to change it. You must realize where your jealous feelings come from.
Look within, spend quality time with yourself and get to know and connect to your authentic self.
Step #3 – Stop Comparing
Seriously! You know you are doing it. And it needs to stop if you are serious about controlling your jealousy.
You ARE one of a kind, and nobody can ever take your place!
If you don’t learn how to fully accept and love yourself as you are, you are more likely to compare yourself to others as a way of artificially boosting your feeling of self-worth.
Jealousy is the outcome of comparison.
From early childhood we women are socialized, taught and influenced to compare ourselves to others, so we're rarely aware of how often we're doing it. Society, culture, religion and upbringing have been forcing us to look at others with feelings of superior and inferior, and forcing us into making comparisons instead of encouraging us to discover our own uniqueness.
STOP comparing! No comparison = no jealousy. PERIOD!
These are just 3 of my “10 Steps to on How to Control Jealousy”
If this destructive emotion is showing up in your life (as it does for most women!) and it is negatively affecting you and your relationships, then you NEED my help.
Are you ready to get some help overcoming your jealousy and your insecurities? Please contact me now, I'd be happy to help you!