Suzanne Fetting - Confidence Coach

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Making Excuses: Why & How It Affects Your Confidence

excuses-dreams

If you really, really want something, you find a way.
If you don’t feel worthy of it, you make an excuse.

Excuse-making greatly affects your confidence and your self-esteem.

Excuse-making is self-sabotage. It’s a negative behavior that sabotages your abilities, performance and motivation. It’s a distraction and avoidance behaviour that prevents you from getting what you really, really want. It stems from a deeper, subconscious desire to protect yourself (your Ego) against anxiety and shame. The more anxious or ashamed you’re likely to feel, the more likely you are to build barriers that interfere with your ability to achieve what you really, really want.

 

When a co-worker asks: “Why don’t you go for that promotion?”
Excuse: “They’re not going to give it to me anyways, why should I bother.”

When a friend asks: “Why don’t you come out to this event with my friends?”
Excuse: “I’m not going to know anyone, and I have things to do at home.”

When you think to yourself: “I really want to change my life and be happier.”
Excuses: “It’s too hard.” or “I’ll just do it later.” or “I can figure it out on my own.”

Making excuses to other people is one thing, but making excuses to yourself is totally destructive. People do it so often that it becomes a habitual response. But have you ever thought about the massive negative effects it has on you? When you make excuses for yourself, you are saying to yourself that you don’t have the willpower, self-respect or self-worth, AND you’re letting your anxiety and fears dictate your life. You’re also saying that you choose to give up and not do what it takes to find a way to make it happen for yourself –doing so makes it impossible for you to have absolute confidence.

Of course, there is a difference between making excuses and providing explanations. If you are providing an explanation, you are assuming responsibility and facing the consequences. In addition, with an explanation and clarity you can analyze, and by analyzing you can understand and learn.

If you are making an excuse, you are not accepting responsibility and not facing the consequences. You are looking for an easy “way out”.

The fact is that if you really, really want something, you can almost definitely make it happen if you keep at it long enough. No matter what your circumstances. You simply have to quit making excuses and start making opportunities.

On the flip side, if you honestly do NOT really, really want to do something, then go ahead and own it, and admit it to yourself and others –and don’t give it any more of your precious energy or attention.

Instead of spending your time on “I can’t do _______ because…”, change what you tell yourself.
A few way more empowering questions to ask yourself are:

How can I find a way to do ________ anyway?
What could I change?”
“Who could help me?”
“What could I do differently?”
“What could I give up that really isn’t as important to me in the long run?”

Excuses are a way to justify not pursuing what you really want in life. But you’re never going to get what you really want until you stop telling yourself why you can’t and start creating a life that proves that you can.

Have you ever heard of this remarkable man? Nick Vujicic. He was born without arms and legs. After a childhood of bullying and thoughts of suicide, he is now one of the best motivational speakers in the world! He’s so incredible, I have SO much respect for him!!!

He says:
“You may have arms and legs but unless you know 3 things…
#1) Who are you, and what your value is.
#2) What is your purpose here in life.
#3) What your destiny is.
If you do not know the answers to ANY of those 3 questions, you are more disabled than I.”

Check out this video:

Incredible, right?!?

In our Western world there are very few things that we can actually make excuses for. We have so many opportunities and resources here! There are tons of people I know of personally who have overcome some massive challenges in their life, yet they’ve fulfilled their dreams and created their ideal life. You can too!

Let me show you how  😀

Please contact me anytime for a complimentary session!

Send me an email at suzanne@absoluteconfidence.com
Or give me a call at 604.230.5538

 

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