Women With Control Issues: Why It Happens and Controlling Ways

Women seek control over various things in their lives as a way to feel empowered.
There are several different reasons why women try to have control over various things in their lives:

  • a way to feel empowered because they lack a sense of control in other areas of their life
  • they had very little control when they were growing up
  • they’ve been victims of abuse, neglect or mistreatment
  • they’ve gone through a very traumatic experience
  • have a lack of trust
  • low or damaged self-esteem
  • suffering from high anxiety
  • failed or failing relationships
  • limiting beliefs and lack of core values
  • perfectionism and the fear of failure
  • emotional sensitivity
  • fear of losing control
  • fear of experiencing painful emotions

Whatever the reason may be, most often they’re controlling behaviour results in the mistreatment of other people.

Women and Control Issues
There are several different ways that women try to control their environment, themselves, or others. Exerting power over others in relationships, workplace settings, families, and other social groups. Women that are unable to control their inner emotional state, typically turn to her external world to find things she can control.
Many women struggle with control issues that manifest as food or body image issues, jealousy, guilt, over-protectiveness, anxiety, or even self-harm or addiction.
In order to be able to relinquish external control, a woman must first become aware of the internal problems that cause the controlling behaviour.

Control is typically a reaction to the fear of losing control. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others, and this fear may stem from traumatic events that left them feeling helpless and vulnerable. As a result, they many crave control in unhealthy ways. The experience of abuse or neglect, for example, can make people look for ways to regain control of their lives, and sometimes victims lash out at other people in their lives.

Discovering the source of the fear is the key to overcoming the control issue. By understanding why a person needs to feel empowered and in charge of situations or people in their lives, they can begin to see that their fears, although real at the time of their loss or abuse, are distorted and unrealistic in their present lives.

The need for control drives people to turn to the external world in order to find things they can control. They may be compelled to micromanage and control the actions and behaviors of others, or maintain rigid rules regarding routine, diet, or cleanliness and order. For instance, people who are physically or psychologically abusive will likely inflict pain on loved ones in the form of ridicule, isolation, restrictions, or physical assault, because they themselves are in pain, though this pain is often deeply buried and unacknowledged. This is why it is absolutely imperative that women learn the very 1st Component of Confidence: Self-Awareness.

Examples of controlling OTHERS:
– Micromanagement
– Keeping a person from seeing or talking to loved ones or friends
– Being overly-protective
– Physical or emotional abuse
– Bullying or taunting

Examples of controlling SELF or ENVIRONMENT:
– Obsessive behaviours
– Disordered eating
– Compulsive exercising
– Self-harm
– Substance abuse
– Compulsive arranging, tidying, or cleaning

A woman who struggles with a need for control may also experience shame, anxiety, stress, depression, and a bunch of other mental health concerns.  In an effort to control other people and situations is happening because they are lacking control elsewhere in their own life and find that controlling others gives them the sense of satisfaction and certainty.
Controlling people are really good at triggering negative reactions in others, but if viewed from a different perspective, the controlling person can actually teach others how to stand up for themselves and take back their power.


If you are struggling with control issues OR if you need to learn how to deal with controlling people I can help you! Feel free to contact me anytime for a complimentary session!

Send me an email at suzanne@absoluteconfidence.com
Or give me a call at 604.230.5538



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