No more “Shoulding” –Don’t SHOULD on yourself!

It’s a new year! This time of year most people are in “resolution-mode.”

I wanted to take the time to remind you that any resolution or goal that you set for yourself, must be exactly that — for YOURSELF, not for other people. Have you been trying to live up to the expectations put upon you from someone else?

How many times a day are you using the word: “Should”?

How often do you hear other people using the word? Likely, it’s a lot! You need to eliminate “should’ from your vocabulary! It is NOT a good word! It implies that we are doing something wrong, or not living up to certain expectations.

One thing “shoulds” will always do is to set you up for disappointment and self-hate. You will never live up to unrealistic and inauthentic expectations.

There’s not much more weight someone can carry on their shoulder’s than when they say: “I should…”

The energy that emanates from “shoulding” is negative, heavy and guilt-inducing and creates feelings of regret, resentment, frustration and anger. It implies that you are doing something wrong, or not living up to certain expectations…oftentimes not even your own expectations!

The underlying challenge of “shoulding” is that if you do what you think you “should” do,  you usually feel resentful, or hateful, or angry, and if you don’t do what you should, you feel guilty. Guilt is anger directed at ourselves because of what we did or did not do.

“Shoulding” on yourself never brings absolute confidence or inner peace, it creates the opposite: stress and self-hate.

The antidote to should is “I choose.” When we change our internal script from “should” to “choose”, we take responsibility for our actions and our in-actions. We then come from a very powerful place of Personal Responsibility –The 10th Component of Confidence. Where we are in charge and we are in control.

Remember to catch yourself and replace your “shoulds” AND always be kind to yourself…you are the most important person in your life!


2017 is the year that you can become the BEST version of yourself!

Need help setting your goals, achieving your New Years resolutions? My 1 on 1 Confidence Coaching WILL help you!

Please contact me now  for a COMPLIMENTARY session!  😀 








There’s not much more weight one can carry on one’s shoulder’s as when one says:

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