Vancouver Confidence Coach Suzanne Fetting - Absolute Confidence » Blog

Making Negative Comparisons

Suzanne — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:27:56 +0000

From early childhood we are socialized, taught and influenced to compare ourselves to others, so we’re rarely aware of how often we’re doing it. Society, culture, religion and upbringing have been forcing us to look at others with feelings of superior and inferior, and forcing us into making comparisons instead of encouraging us to discover our own uniqueness. The desire to make comparisons with other people stems from a need for reassurance. As human beings we are social creatures and we all crave acceptance and belonging. The problem with comparisons is if they are coming from a place of negativity, instead of feeling reassured and affirmed, we often end up feeling like we’re lacking in some way.

If you don’t fully accept and love yourself as you are, you are more likely to compare yourself to others which will either be an artificial way of boosting your self-confidence or you’ll become jealous and insecure.

While it’s near impossible to stop making comparisons altogether, putting a positive spin on those thoughts can help you feel more confident and empowered. Healthy comparisons are not bad, as they can help us highlight areas that we might need to strengthen, or help us identify our uniqueness.

Making negative comparisons is a bad habit. The great news is that any habit can be broken!

The key is to start accepting things we can’t change, set realistic goals for the things that we can and be grateful for what we have.

Her beauty and success has nothing to do with you and it takes nothing away from yours.

Fun at the Indoor Shooting Range

Suzanne — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:38:21 +0000

It’s been a while since I had some fun at a shooting range. Several years ago was the first time, when one of my best buddies became a cop, he invited me to an outdoor range to try it. And I loved it, and was surprised to learn that I had really great aim! But now my buddy is married with a child, so he’s a busy guy and doesn’t go out to the range anymore.

So when a new friend of mine asked me if I would want to go to an indoor shooting range with him, I was so excited and said: “Hell yeah! Can we go now?!!”

He owns a 9mm hand gun and has a membership which was great because it was really busy there, lots of people waiting in the waiting area. But fortunately, when you have a membership and your own gun, there’s no wait.

Since I am a novice I had to sign a waiver, and then we threw on our ear protection, and safety goggles and off we went into the range.

If you haven’t target shooting before I totally recommend it. A great way to feel really empowered!

My FAV bike at the 2012 Vancouver Motorcycle Show

Suzanne — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 21:25:47 +0000

This past weekend the annual bike show was here, and being a HUGE sportbike lover, I had to go check out it out. Specifically I had to go see the bike I am most excited about for 2012, the brand new Ducati 1199 Panigale. SUCH AN INCREDIBLE BIKE –I am saving up for mine! But of course, mine won’t be red, it will be HOT PINK, just like my Kawasaki Ninja

Ducati eliminated the traditional Ducati trellis-style frame and the 1199 has a new monocoque chassis which reduces parts, shaves weight and is designed to make the claimed dry weight of 361.5 pounds AND 195 hp totally manageable to ride. Ducati’s new 2012 Panigale superbike is said to be the new benchmark in production motorcycle power-to-weight and torque-to-weight ratios. It is the most sophisticated production Ducati superbike to date! Its list of high-end electronic rider aids includes the Ducati Riding Mode which oversees functions of the ABS, Ducati Traction Control (DCT), Ducati Electronic Suspension (DES), Ducati Quick-Shift (DQS), Ducati’s race-derived Engine Brake Control (EBC), and Ride-by-Wire throttle system.

“Without doubt, this has been the most ambitious project in Ducati’s history and underlines our engineering excellence and ‘product emotion,’ an aspect of our brand which, in such a competitive market place, has become more important than ever. This motorcycle represents pure Italian style, the reference point for performance and a safety-enhanced, confidence-inspiring experience for our customers on road and track,” said Ducati President Gabriele Del Torchio about the motorcycle’s launch.

www.1199panigale.ducati.com

Six Ways to Get More Respect

Suzanne — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:23:05 +0000

Create a clear vision.

Picture what you and your life will be like once you’ve implemented your resolution. Make your vision detailed and concrete. This will both fuel your resolve and prepare you to paint compelling pictures for others. Imagine a scene with the new you in it. Describe what you’re seeing and saying, whom you’re talking to – make it concrete. Put the coffee on the stove and the boots by the door in your vision.

Commit to action.

Before you tell anyone what you intend to do, decide what steps you will take to achieve it. Then, measure your resolve. How committed are you? If you’re uncertain, the cynics in your life will pick your plan apart. If you question whether you will do what it takes to succeed, adapt your resolutions until every cell in your body says “This year I WILL…”

Identify your reasons.

Make a list of benefits that motivate you to change. This is the “why.” Say, “I will do this because…” List at least five reasons that inspire you.

Anticipate objections.

Anticipate the protests, belly-aching and doubts that are likely to come your way. If possible, prepare to explain how your changes will benefit your associates. Fill in the phrase, “I understand you’re concerned that (concern.) I (or others) have shared that concern. I know I will succeed because (reasons.) Plan to use the word “because” liberally.

Share your plans with prepared phrases.

Have the phrases ready to use, and adapt as needed. If you lose your focus, just say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean when you say it.

Ask for support outright.

Say something like, “I’d really like you to help me succeed here. Can I count on you for support?” Of course there will always be those who are threatened by change and will never respect even a simple declaration and plan of action. Let go of needing to convince anyone. It’s great to have support, but the only person you really need to convince is yourself. These tips will help you convince both yourself and others. Meryl Runion

If you’re thinking about Confidence Coaching, please feel free to call or email me to discuss the different packages I offer. I’d be happy to assist you in determining which program would be most beneficial to you in your life right now. Contact me now-CLICK HERE!

Discover Your Fearless Self

Suzanne — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:50:46 +0000

Do you long to follow your own heart? Do you wish you had the courage to walk through those doubts and fears that stand between you and your dreams?.

Over time, we often forget that the power to claim the life we choose exists within us. We often loose sight of our original, fearless self.

Stop Seeing Yourself as Powerless
Realize the freedom you long for appears by itself once you stop agreeing to see yourself as powerless in the face of punishing thoughts and feelings!

Let Go the Fear of What May be Ahead
You have the right to walk through this life without any fear of what may await you ahead.

Live in the Present Moment
Your original Self is already timeless and whole; any part of us that urges us to look for a bigger, better, or brighter sense of Self outside the present moment is both the seed of deception, as well as its bitter fruit, anxiety.

Minimize Thoughts That Imprison You
Anxious thoughts and feelings are not there to help us reach the promised land. Instead, they keep us a prisoner in the world of their empty promises. The courage to see the truth of this fact is the same as the courage we need to be free . . . to consciously walk away from these impostor powers.

Make Sure You Keep Good Interior Company
What we are now, and the kind of life we will come to know, is very much determined by the “interior” company we keep.

Don’t Consent to Staying Stuck in Negative States
Just as you can’t cage a lion in a child’s crib, no negative state can keep you its captive once you’ve seen it for what it really is—nothing without your consent.

Allow the Past to Remain Where it Belongs — Behind You
By reclaiming our attention—by bringing ourselves back into the present moment—we are released from our unconscious relationship with the past, putting its pain behind us, where it belongs.

Choose to Remember What YOU Want
It’s our right to remember what we want to remember, instead of what we are being given to remember!

Guy Finley

Check out my Latest FEARLESS VLOG Snowblading at Cypress Mountain

Make a Lasting Impression

Suzanne — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:49:48 +0000

1. Be pleasant and full of praise.
Whether you’re making connections at a conference or meeting colleagues from other departments, one of the best ways to get people to remember you is to turn on the charm. When you make someone laugh, feel happy or admired, they naturally reciprocate those feelings towards you Nothing leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths like an accidentally insulting joke or string of bad puns. And remember, even if the food is bad or the weather is poor, don’t complain—you’ll only end up killing the mood and appearing as a Debbie Downer.

2. Have a balanced conversation.

The best conversations are a seamless back-and-forth banter because it creates the opportunity for mutual connections. “If someone wants to know more about your dog or exotic cooking habits, they can ask you questions.

3. Dress to make the right impression.
If you want your impression to end with a happy ending, express yourself through your clothing while also adhering to what’s appropriate for the situation. After all, not only can a bit of personal flair be a great conversation starter, but displaying a hint of style can also affect how you carry yourself. When you feel good about what you’re wearing, you’re less self-monitoring, which allows you to focus on making connections with others.

4. Convey interest.
An effective way to leave a good impression on someone you’ve just met is to ask them about themselves during the course of the conversation. When you’re interested, you’re interesting. Showing someone that you care about what they’re saying by asking questions as well as displaying subtle signs that you’re interested in the response, such as nodding or indicating agreement, makes them feel admired, which in turn makes them admire you.

5. Get real in your introduction.
The secret to a memorable introduction? Attach a confessional-style” factoid when introducing yourself. The admission should be something that conveys vulnerability. The top quality that helps people connect with others is realness, as it immediately wipes out any sense of competition.

6. Contribute to the conversation.
The goal is not to just be part of a room or conversation, but to add value to it. When you take a conversation one step further—whether by adding an interesting factoid or elaborating on something that has already been touched upon—people will note that you truly understand the topic at hand, which signals that you are equals and that there is potential for you to learn from each other.

7. Make eye contact.
No matter who you’re speaking to, eye contact is the key to keeping someone interested and engaged. Research shows that making eye contact 70% to 80% of the time is considered normal and appropriate. If you have trouble making direct eye contact when speaking in public, look in between people. The most important thing is that you face the crowd.

8. Know when the conversation is over.
Whether you’re mingling at a party or flirting with a new love interest, knowing when to call it a wrap is crucial to leaving a positive impression. The best way to make sure you know when it’s time to go is to stay present—keep appropriate eye contact, listen carefully—so that you can pick up on the signals that the other person is ready to wind down the conversation.

If you’re thinking about Confidence Coaching, please feel free to call or email me to discuss the different packages I offer. I’d be happy to assist you in determining which program would be most beneficial to you in your life right now. Contact me now-CLICK HERE!

High School Confidence Program

Suzanne — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 17:55:58 +0000

I’m so excited!! I got a wonderful email last month asking if I would bring my confidence workshops into Sutherland Secondary in North Vancouver.

I’m going to be facilitating an after school confidence program for teen girls! I remember being a teenager in high school, and it was a challenging time in my life.

I’m sure most people can relate. Everyone I’ve spoken to about their teenage years all say the same thing…it was filled with feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration and self-doubt. I was bullied a lot and picked on, had a lot of pressures from my peers and I had a negative body image. I was scared to go to school, was worried about fitting in, all the while, not knowing who I really was, how to be comfortable in my own skin or how amazing and how extraordinary I was underneath all my fears and uncertainty.

At that most impressionable and vulnerable time, I wish someone would have come into my high school and taught me, and all the girls at my high school, about the importance of having self-confidence.

Confidence is the foundation for everything in life and it is our confidence, or lack thereof, that directly affects HOW we do everything in our life.
When we know and appreciate who we are, we feel great about ourselves and we make better choices and better decisions.
When we make better choices and better decisions, we create a better life for ourselves.
When we create a better life, we are much happier.
Everything is based on our self-confidence!

It is extremely important in every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it because it was not taught to us.

I am so thrilled and grateful to be sharing my knowledge and tools for building the foundation for a happier, healthier future for so many girls

Do you know of a school that would like me to teach this powerful program to their teen girls? Read MORE INFO HERE!

Here’s my very first poster…

" src="http://absoluteconfidence.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/SDC12379-Small.jpg" alt="" width="360" height="480" />

Refresh Your Energy!

Suzanne — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:46:51 +0000

Try a Peppermint Refresher!

The strong smell of peppermint will not only wake you up, but it will help you to move through your day more quickly and efficiently. Keep a bottle of essential peppermint oil in your purse or drawer at work for a quick pick-me-up! Aah, refreshing!

Rub Your Ears!

Did you know that by stimulating certain pressure points on your ear, you can increase blood circulation and energize your entire body? It’s true! Vigorously rub your ears for one minute and feel the energy flow.

Sleep in The Dark!

To ensure full cycles of sleep, make your bedroom as dark as possible. Light inhibits melatonin secretions, and thus it resets the biological clock, making us tired. If you don’t have enough blinds, shades or curtains to make it dark, try a sleeping mask. I’ve got a leopard-print one! Makes it even more fun, and fun is always energizing.

Stand Straight – Sit Straight!

Slouching can cause your brain to receive up to 30% less blood and oxygen. It also compresses your internal organs, compromising their efficiency. Hunching over your computer promotes shallow breathing. Oh, it’s a vicious cycle. Break it!

Redecorate!

Changing the colors of your four walls can give your home and your brain a much-needed lift. Or – if you don’t want to paint – try repositioning your furniture to get the chi (energy) moving again throughout your home.

Feed Your Head!

Approximately 50-60% of your brain is pure fat. The fat serves as insulation for your brain’s billions of nerve cells. The better insulated the cells, the faster your brain sends messages and the speedier your thinking. Eat a mix of healthy fats for energy and productivity! Here are few excellent choices: wild salmon, mackerel, anchovies, dark green leafy vegetables, or avocado.

Silence, Please!

Spend one day a month in total silence! It may seem difficult at first, but I guarantee that you will find it refreshing and energizing. Imagine, just for a moment, what it might be like to give the chatterbox in your head a rest!

Let The Light Shine In!

Studies show that 20 minutes of sunlight can make all the difference in your energy level. If the weather’s bad, or you’re housebound, go sit by the window! Open your blinds. Get as close to daylight as you can, and smile.

7 Ways to Be More Assertive and Authoritative

Suzanne — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:06:18 +0000

Make eye contact.

Whether you’re giving a presentation to a roomful of people or negotiating a better deal on a car repair, making eye contact is key. When you’re so focused on what you’re saying or doing it can be easy to converse with people without actually looking at them. Making eye contact infers that what you have to say is important and that the person to whom you are saying it is important too.

Don’t lead with a disclaimer.

We tend to pepper our ideas with disclaimers and apologies, like “I don’t know if this will work, but…” or “This might not be what you were thinking of, but…” Instead of giving your audience a reason to discount what may be an excellent idea, present it without any judgment at all and let them decide what they think. You’ll be surprised at how much people will trust you if you trust yourself.

Stand up while you’re on the phone.

It may sound silly, but getting up out of your chair while you’re on an important call—whether it’s to your insurance provider or a potential employer––can help make your voice sound more authoritative.

Avoid turning statements into questions.

Tell someone what you’re thinking, don’t ask them. We often do this in mundane circumstances, like when ordering food or responding to simple questions. To overcome this habit, keep the three “Ds” in mind: Be decisive, definitive and deliberate. Never answer a question with a question.

Dress the part.

Dressing for success doesn’t necessarily mean donning a suit. Instead, make a note of what everyone else is wearing, and emulate their style in a put-together way. If the dress code at work is slacks and a button-down shirt, invest in a few sharp-looking separates that will ensure you fit in with the office culture.

Make yourself visible at meetings.

When it comes to commanding authority, having height helps. You want to stand as often as possible. This means rising when someone comes to chat with you at your desk or standing, when appropriate, during meetings. By showing up right on time, once all of the chairs are taken, you’ll be forced to stand, which will automatically give you a bigger presence in the room and your stature will subtly connote authority.

Manage your boss’s expectations.

Think that promising to tackle that giant pile of expense reports by 5 p.m., despite having no experience with accounting, will endear you to your boss? Offering to take on work that is outside your area of expertise won’t impress anyone—especially when you turn in a less-than-stellar final product. On the other hand, avoiding projects like the plague won’t impress your superiors either, since being a team player is essential for career development. If you’re asked to do (or want to volunteer for) something that you know you can’t handle alone, be honest about your limitations. Say something like, ‘I’m always up for learning, but this project might take me a little bit longer and I may need a few extra resources.’ People will respect you more for being honest rather then taking the assignment, turning it in late and flubbing it. Plus, you’ll be able to manage your team’s expectations while still giving yourself a fair shot to complete the work.

A Confidence Coaching Success Story with Jenny Lau

Suzanne — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 20:09:35 +0000

Before I started working with Suzanne, I actually didn’t know exactly what my problem was except that I was extremely unhappy and was lost on what I needed to do with my career. I felt like I wasn’t able to connect to people. I was afraid to speak up at work in front of large groups of people in fears that I was wrong, which hindered me from progressing.

I had actually never been to any type of coaching of this nature before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. However, during my first session with Suzanne, it felt like I was speaking with a long-time trusted friend. She was encouraging and gave me lots of insights on the importance of self-awareness and confidence.

Developing confidence was important to me because a lack of confidence was affecting the way I was interacting with people. I didn’t realize that because I was afraid to speak up about my opinions and thoughts, that I wasn’t being genuine to myself or others around me. I was a “doormat” as Suzanne would say! And because I wasn’t being true to my feelings, in my personal life, that led to toxic relationships. Also, in my work life, that led to me being unhappy because I was making decisions to take on projects that I wasn’t interested in.

Suzanne is very encouraging and made me feel very comfortable in sharing my feelings. She also challenged me to realize for myself the reasons for my past beliefs and negative thoughts. I appreciated her patience and upbeat attitude. Suzanne always made sure that I came to my realizations on my own. With her homework exercises, she allowed me to discover for myself how I came to where I am today, and what I could do to change. Also, the stories and experiences Suzanne shared with me inspired me to see beyond the current situation.

After working with Suzanne, I definitely have a greater self-awareness. I say to her all the time it’s like having my blinders off on life. One of the biggest changes in me is that I’m no longer afraid to speak up about my opinions. With Suzanne’s help, I realized that negative thoughts were keeping me from speaking up and voicing my opinions. The techniques that she’s taught me have helped me to gain courage to speak up and use my voice.

Also, before I met Suzanne, I had actually read a lot of books to gain a better understanding of myself. However, I found that I still wasn’t getting the answer I was looking for. It was only after I met Suzanne did I fully understand the message those books were trying to say and what it translated to me in my own life.

I would definitely recommend Absolute Confidence. Suzanne is not only friendly and encouraging, but she challenged me and made me think for myself about the reasons why I wasn’t happy in my life.

Now, I feel that I’m a happier and more confident person. I am not constantly second guessing myself and the decisions I make or things that I say. I also feel lighter as I didn’t realize before how tiring it was to be always second guessing myself!

– Jenny Lau

Hitting balls at the batting cage at Castle Fun Park

Suzanne — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:24:58 +0000

A visit to the batting cage was so much fun and a REALLY good work out!! I used to go there all the time when I lived out there but the last time was 10 years ago. WOW, that place has sure changed and is a lot bigger than I remember it!

2012 Goal Setting and Vision Board Online Webinar

Suzanne — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 17:44:00 +0000

“Failing to plan is planning to fail.”

Do you want next year to be better than this year was?

In order to live to the fullest, you need to set goals for yourself. Achieving goals creates success and success builds confidence!

Setting solid and specific goals gives you clarity on what you ultimately want and gives you a sense of meaning and purpose in your life.

Setting goals is just like choosing a place to travel to. We chose our travel destination based on our likes and dislikes, and once we get there, we look on a map to determine where to go and exactly how to get there. If you really want to go to a particular place, but don’t plan it out, and don’t have directions, how likely and how excited will you be to stay on track to reach that destination?

In this goal setting class you will learn:

• Why goal setting is absolutely essential to your confidence
• How to set goals that you are excited about achieving
• Understanding and overcoming your fears
• How to create SMART achievable goals
• The 7 mistakes of goal setting and how to correct them
• The importance of taking risks and taking action
• How a Vision Board impacts your confidence
• My 7 Steps to a POWERFUL Vision Board
• and MUCH more!

Start the New Year with new found sense of purpose and excitement!

Online Webinar on January 30th from 6-8pm Pacific

*No special software required, just your computer

As a registered student, you will also have access to the recorded version, if you are unable to attend on January 30th

Learn from the comfort of your own home and create your best year ever…you don’t want to miss out on this powerful online class!

Get excited and get prepared for 2012!

***The 1^st 5 REGISTRANTS receive a FREE 30 minute 1 on 1 Skype or Phone session with me!***

Only $49.99

I can help you achieve the confidence and success you want.
You can change your life RIGHT NOW!

Suzanne Fetting
Email: Suzanne@AbsoluteConfidence.com
Telephone: 604.230.5538